Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
