After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
