Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
