Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
