yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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