i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
