he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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