can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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