I need help removing her.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
