i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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