my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
