rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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