I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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