i dedicated my morning wood to you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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