So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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