He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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