I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
