I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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