If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
