if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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