I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
