Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
