sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she peed on how many people?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
