So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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