why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
