At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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