I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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