She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
