We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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