As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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