the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
