Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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