i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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