glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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