I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
