R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They have beer where we have blood.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
