okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
50% drunk capacity currently
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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