My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
