so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
