Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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