I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
