I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
