I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
