Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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