Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
