One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
