They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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