i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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