You just made me feel so damn special
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
