I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
