Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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