If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
